My name is Fred, my life was on a gradual but steady ride to success. But what is success?

To me I think success is relative, depending strongly on ones opinion and standard. I hoped for a life that I would live and maximize my God given talents and have a beloved family, raising them in the way of the Lord.

Very typical among young aspiring men… Here is my story and I want you all to learn from it.

I am a fashion designer, very creative one as a matter of fact. I was at my prime, having participated in several runways and my brand being sort after by few known personalities. This was a breakthrough for me, after years of toiling, mending and amending apparels for neighbors and passer byes.

Everything changed for good the moment I rededicated my life to my faith and took active duty in my place of worship as an usher.

As every young man would, I had a beautiful lady, her name was Tope. She was into events management and at the same time was engaged in part time studies at the University. She was from a humble home and most times out of the little I earned, I would make provisions for her immediate needs.

She was a remarkable home maker, very neat and a good cook. I was rest assured I would marry her, as soon as I was able to elevate myself to the next level of my vocation. Everything was taking shape.

On a very faithful day in church, there was a lady coming for the first time. I helped her secure a seat as an usher would. At first contact, I caught her eyes gazing at me, like she knew me somehow or she mistook me for someone else, I ignored it and faced my duty.

It became constant, every time I took a peep I noticed her eyes fixed on me. She was very beautiful, and looked very sophisticated. Her choice of clothing was posh and upmarket and her body gestures spoke of elegance. She looked late 30’s there about.

I smelt trouble from a far and I didn’t want to get myself entagled to it. I made sure I went out of sight immediately after the service to avoid any confrontation.

Tope was unable to attend service with me every sunday because of her part time studies. We get to see weekdays at my workshop, where she brings me breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner.

On few occasions she spends the night with me at my place (We stopped having sex after I rededicated my life.)

Tope was a very modest lady, and humble too. She wasn’t the fashion type but contributed largely to my work with her sketches, she could draw just about anything. She was an inspiration and a pillar that held me.

The following sunday, as I stood in church, I perceived a familiar fragrance coming from behind. Before I could process the likely host I heard. “Good morning brother.”

My mind went straight to the lady I saw last week, but it was quite early. The only way to find out was to turn around and respond to the greeting, which I did.

“Good morning sister, you are blessed, welcome to today’s service. Let me help you to your seat.” Before I could make the move she said. “My name is Angela and what is your name?” I said “My name is Fred and let me take you to your seat.” I led her to her seat.

I was caught off guard and what I tired to avoid came to my very face. I started looking at it from a different perspective, maybe she meant no harm. As I stood, I took a peep at her and believe me, this time around she was locked on me with a smile. I responded with a nod and she did likewise with her smile still hanging.

After service, I was outside and felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Angela, she said “You look like Dotun, my classmate in primary school, just that he’s a lot darker.”

I said. Interesting, no wonder you have been steering at me.” She then said. “Not entirely, you are a very good looking man.” I blushed and said. “Thank you, but I am not as good looking and elegant as yourself. You are presently the most trendy looking lady in church .

” She laughed and said “Thank you, are you into fashion?”

I was so shocked she deduced I was into fashion, I found it very impressive. I said. “Yes, I am into fashion, you must be a very smart woman.” she said. “Nah! I am not that smart. I have always wanted to go into fashion, but since I don’t have the creativity for it, I decided to look as fashionable as I can be.

Eventually I would still go into it. Ok dear, till next time” As she left.
I stood there, thinking at every word she said.

Every word she uttered seemed to me like a puzzle. I took a deep breath in and headed home. I got home, fixed myself some meal and started thinking.

I remembered way back, I had always wanted to settle with a lady who would share my dreams and work together with me in building a renowned fashion brand that will stand the test of time. At that point, I was beginning to cook up some figments in my head regarding Angela. But as I looked at Tope’s picture on my wall, those bubbles in my head started bursting and I felt reassured.

I then prepared to leave for my workshop to prepare for the week.
The following sunday in church, was the usual smile exchange, but this time around it became more intensified. It started to feel more like flirting, enjoyable it was, nevertheless I knew I was putting myself in some sort of complication. So I decided to out pace her after the service, to avoid any hitch. All of a sudden, I heard. “Fred!! Wait up will you!” I had no option than to act gentlemanly, I waited. She said.

“Nutty boy, you are trying to runaway from me eh?” I said. “Oh no Angela, I had to go finish up some work today.”

She looked at me with a smirk on and said. “Really? Anyway, my birthday is tomorrow, so I am inviting you and some few people in church.”
I said. “Monday? It’s a busy day now.” She then looked persuasive and held me on my hand and said. “Please, do it for me, We could discuss about how we could do fashion together and other things, here’s my address.”

I felt like, oh my God this is happening…. I then said. “Okay, I will make it. what time?” She said. “9am. So you can go back to your work as soon as we are done, thank you, you are a darling.” and she hugged me.

As I got home, I felt so overwhelmed. I began to ask myself, “Could this be God’s way of lifting me up?” I couldn’t give a direct answer to that question. About a month ago, I prayed for an unprecedented boost in my vocation.

And for a moment, everything was beginning to fall into place and with Angela coming into the picture it became more plausible . But I was still confused, confused if Angela’s purpose in my life was just business or more to it, marital perhaps…. There was only one way to find out, and that was for me to play along.

The following morning I headed to her place. As I got there, the gateman opened the gate for me and showed me Angela’s flat. I went to her flat and pressed the bell, in no time she was at the door and on sighting me she jumped on me. I didn’t understand the motive behind that, like she missed me so badly.

I just embraced her and gave her the present I got for her. “happy birthday Angela.” She said “Oh thank you very much you are so kind. Please have a seat.”

I sat down and asked her “Where is everybody?” She said. “Erm… Actually, there’s nobody but you.” I looked at her with a straight face.

“So you lied.” She said “So sorry, dear. I wanted you to come that was why. I feel this strong connection between us.”
I appeared stunned and said. “Oh really. How about your family?”

She said.” Well, we will talk all about that when we get where we are going. We’ll talk about me, you and how we can work together.”

I asked her. “Where are we going”. She smiled and said my favorite restaurant not too far from here.”

I appeared more stunned and speechless, I knew that wasn’t normal and driven by anxiety and curiosity I was determined to solve the puzzle before me. She went into her room and came out after some few minutes, she was in a fitted gown, though simple, but the perfect color that matched her skin. She was certainly a lady of taste and fashion

TO BE CONTINUED….

1. Living in the same room or sleeping on the same bed with a
man who has not paid your bride- price or wedded you;
(this is foolishness

3. Wearing the engagement ring of a man who doesn’t even know your parents or house; (You are wasting your time & blocking God’s blessing).

4. Using your boyfriend’s picture as your profile picture on social network, thus blocking serious
and potential suitors; (that is a serious /destiny mistake).

5. Giving your virginity to a man who has not paid your bride- price. (You have wasted your
glorious destiny & lost your dignity in life).

6. Cooking food regularly and washing clothes for your boyfriend; (Slavery attitude: that’s starting what you cannot finish even in marriage).

7. Disobeying your parents for the sake of a man you are
dating. (It is Stupidity; Are you out of your mind? Why can’t you convince them through GOD intervention ).

8. Giving sex to a man simply because he promised to marry
you; (Haba! Na u be the oldest woman for this life? It is loss of
Honor).

9. Sending your Unclad pictures to your boyfriend or romantic postures with him either;
(shame on you, that is what he will use against you anytime you said its over).

10. Why will a boyfriend beat you and you will still be saying that you can’t do without him;
(hmm, you need deliverance. This is not love. It is the
foundation to a painful future).

11. When your boy friend keep cheating on you and you still say that you
can never quit him, (Hmm, you need prayers ‘cos you’ve started digging your grave) .

Note: Don’t be too desperate in the matter of relationship; as you
are desperate to read other numbers and you did not notice
that number (2) is missing above.

Relationship is more than catching fun now.

THE TYPE OF
FOUNDATION YOU LAY AS SINGLE IS WHAT YOU’LL BUILD YOUR HOME UPON.

1.HAVING IDOLS IN THE HEART:
This is one of the biggies. Please pay close attention here. In the Bible, anything that takes the place of God in your heart is an idol. God wants to have first place in your life especially when it comes to the issue of a godly spouse.

HE has already kept His best for you. And you have to go to Him in prayer to find out. And here lies the danger … If you go to God with your mind already made up about someone you want and then just ask him to “rubberstamp” your preference for you …

by asking Him to show you if that person is your godly spouse, you will most likely hear the voice of your own emotions echoed back to you …

and NOT really God’s voice. In this case, HE will say YES if He sees that in your heart of hearts you’ve already made up your mind! The Bible actually says that if you come to God with an idol in your heart He will answer you according to what you have in your heart. Here’s how the Bible puts it:

“Therefore speak to them, and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: “Everyone of the house of Israel who sets up his idols in his heart, and puts before him what causes him to stumble into iniquity, and then comes to the prophet, I the LORD will answer him who comes, according to the multitude of his idols. Ezek 14:4 this is a pretty scary thought!

It means that MOST Singles going around saying they heard from God this or that person is God’s choice for them … are merely deceiving themselves and heading for disaster without knowing it. They will need to clear away their preconceived ideas about those they want and don’t want … and allow the LORD to lead them to His choice for them.

And He does lead people to His choices. I’ll tell you about Rebecca in the Bible in a moment.

2. IGNORING YOUR VEHICLE OF DESTINEY:
Your vehicle of destiny is a certain skill, talent, attribute or gift that God has given you … by means of which He will deliver His best for your life, including your godly spouse. For some it is hospitality. For others it is the milk of human kindness. For others it is the ability to be persistent in the face of all odds. Yours could be spiritual or physical. May be the ability to sing or help others in one way or the other. It is supposed to be your most dominant attribute.

But if you don’t recognize it … and make full use of it, most of your blessings will be passing you by. We see a good example of this in the Bible when we read the fascinating story of a young woman called Rebecca and how she got her godly spouse.

Unknown to her, the patriarch Abraham had sent his servant to her community to find a wife for Isaac. And the servant had journeyed for days until he arrived at the public water supply where Rebecca was soon to come to fetch water. The man then prayed and asked the LORD to show him His choice for his master’s son, Isaac.

In his prayer he asked that the chosen woman would be the one to give him and his camels drink. Here’s where it gets interesting and you need to pay even closer attention… as we pick up the story from the Bible: Then he said, “O LORD God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day, and show kindness to my master Abraham. Behold, here I stand by the well of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water.

Now let it be that the young woman to whom I say, ‘Please let down your pitcher that I may drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I will also give your camels a drink’ — let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac.

And by this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.” And it happened, before he had finished speaking, that behold, Rebecca, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, came out with her pitcher on her shoulder. Now the young woman was very beautiful to behold, a virgin; no man had known her. And she went down to the well, filled her pitcher, and came up. And the servant ran to meet her and said, “Please let me drink a little water from your pitcher.” So she said, “Drink, my lord.” Then she quickly let her pitcher down to her hand, and gave him a drink.

And when she had finished giving him a drink, she said, “I will draw water for your camels also, until they have finished drinking.” Then she quickly emptied her pitcher into the trough, ran back to the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels. And the man, wondering at her, remained silent so as to know whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not. Gen 24:12-21 the man barely finished praying … and Rebecca was already there as an answer to prayer! Magnetized by the power of that prayer that’s why I tell people that the surest way of finding your godly spouse is through prayer. Now, Rebecca had to do something to show that she was truly the one. This was no easy job, considering she had to fetch water not just for the servant but for all 10 camels as well!
What was her vehicle of destiny? Kindness and hospitality, She stood head and shoulders above the crowd by this singular action. Sure, she was beautiful … but that hardly counts. After all there must have been girls even more beautiful … but they didn’t make the cut. Another quick example from the Bible … just in case that powerful example hasn’t convinced you yet is the heartbreaking story of Ruth. And how she found her godly spouse… But Ruth said: “Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God.
Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, If anything but death parts you and me.” Ruth 1:16-17 Because of her loyalty to her mother-in-law even when she had good reason to abandon her in trying times … she ended up getting married to Boaz, a man of great substance, thereby landing in the all-time Spiritual Hall of Fame. Because with that marriage she became part of the lineage of our Lord Jesus Christ! Pretty powerful stuff there is so many instances of this in the Scripture. My question is: Do you even recognize what your vehicle of destiny is?

In this era of fierce competition, is it possible that you have been busy trying to copy and imitate what others are doing … in the process neglecting you God- given attributes and divine endowments? Here’s the risk: If you have not identified and polished that vehicle of destiny, how do you think you will ever meet your godly spouse? Think about it.

3. ENGAGING IN ANY FORM OF SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE:
The Bible says clearly that our body is the temple of the Holy Ghost. We are warned against all form of sexual activity outside marriage. When you violate this important spiritual principle, you literally give the devil license to put you in a spiritual cage. No one can find you. Or propose marriage .that Period You could still be walking around – as beautiful as ever – but in the spiritual realm the devil has already written something like “Not Available” right across your forehead. Why? Because you now belong to him, you are not available for anyone else. That’s why you could be in the same church, office or community with your God-ordained partner for years and he / she will NEVER notice you. Or if he /she do, it will never cross their mind that you could be the one.

Their eyes have been covered with a spiritual veil and no amount of positive confession or physical beauty can change that fact. What I am saying, those with spiritual eyes can confirm it. Do you see beautiful Singles wandering around in your church without a single marriage proposal? Or those who get proposed to just wake up to discover that it’s not on? Now if such “unavailable” Singles happen to force themselves on someone out of desperation, you can be sure that disaster is just waiting to happen. So those holiness preachers who have the courage to still insist that there should be no sex before marriages sure know a thing or two. And you can be sure that the divorce rate among Christians will drop to its lowest levels if this one is given the attention it deserves. Now there’s an even more dangerous trend in our corner of the world these days. Sexual perversion like same-sex marriages is taking place right inside the church. In the Bible this is the one sin that God never tolerates at all. Anyone who is engaging in (or even tolerating) homosexuality or lesbianism is directly in the line of fire. And God is the one who pulls the trigger here. Unless they repent… and quickly too!

4. BEING IGNORANT OF THE MYSTERY OF SPIRITUAL MARRIAGE:
There is something called spiritual marriage. So many Singles who are unable to get married in the physical are already married to certain spirits as far as the spiritual world is concerned. You will have a clue if you regularly have sex in the dream, or wake up feeling sexually aroused. This used to be a closely guarded secret until certain prayer warriors made it their business to get at the root of this issue. What they found out in Scripture as well as in real-life events shows quite graphically that so many people including Christians have been entangled in this evil web without even knowing it.
Now if someone is married in the spirit realm, it is a legal binding contract and one that cannot easily be broken except by violent prayer and fasting. Ordinary confessing the Word of God does not work here. It needs targeted prayer and a peculiar kind of fasting to deal with it successfully. Because if this is not dealt with, it can result in late marriages, and if the person manages to get married at all, it will just be like the hordes of hell have been let loose on that marriage. No one will enjoy it. The spirit spouse will introduce all kinds of financial, health and marital problems … just to break the marriage and return the person to square one.

This happens to both males and females. Whether Christian or not. The mistake here is that many Christians and pastors do not believe this can happen to them. But anyone with the gift of the Holy Spirit called “the gift of discernment” can actually see these spirits at work on their victims! Good news:

There are specific prayer points to break off this kind of evil marriage and release you from captivity of Satan. Some of our prayer points are specifically targeted at this.

5. GETTING INVOLVED IN UNGODLY ASSOCIATION:
Ungodly associations such as consulting with astrologers, mediums, witches, and occult people can lead you into forming soul ties with such people. What’s worse, they can plant a spiritual device in a person to monitor her anywhere she goes. And when anything good is about to happen to a person an alarm is activated in the spirit realm and invisible powers are quickly assigned to abort it. That is why many people fail at the edge of their miracles. They are being followed about and monitored by invisible powers they cannot see. If and when the person happens to meet their godly spouse, an announcement goes out in the spirit realm to make sure the relationship is disrupted. At any cost! My heart bleeds for Christians who have not been taught how to deal with powers that arise out of evil associations. For some people, the evil associations were formed generations ago, but they are still active even today in the lives of the children. Those whose parents were members of freemason and other occult and witchcraft groups would be deceiving themselves if they felt that they are not still being pursued by the powers of those cults. They may be Christians now but they have to destroy their foothold in their lives and keep a constant watch so those things don’t come back to haunt them. Why is this so important? Because the moment you get initiated into a cult group, you become legally married to the deities operating there. Just like when you gave your life to Christ, you became part of the Body of Christ, which is also known as the Bride of Christ. Yes, you are married to whatever you worship! If you are a vigilant and prayerful Christian, there should be a hedge around you and the enemy cannot claim ownership of you anymore. But if you stray away from that hedge by committing sin (especially sexual sins) you open yourself up to a strong and aggressive counterattack by the enemy. Who are bent on caging you … and all your blessings? It saddens me to see Christians reading the horoscopes. And consulting with medium on TV. These are expressways back to the cage. And in the spiritual cage, you can forget the thought of ever seeing your godly spouse. There is an invisible stamp on the forehead saying “Not Available.”

6. IGNORING UNBROKEN COVENANTS :
A covenant is an agreement binding on two or more parties. Some could be generational. Others could be as a result of one’s present activities. If you’ve been reading my materials for a while you will know what a covenant is. And how to deal with it, there is a particularly important hidden covenant that doesn’t get mentioned all that often. You need to be aware of it when dealing with the subject of your godly spouse. It is called the covenant with the first sexual partner. A hidden but very powerful covenant is formed with the first person you had sex with. In fact it is a covenant of blood – very stubborn to break. The blood of Jesus gives us the right to break that particular covenant and loose ourselves from its evil consequences. Otherwise some may go through life stuck with the memories, especially if it was a case of abuse or rape or incest as so often is the case. The spiritual and emotional wounds really take long to heal (if they ever heal at all) … and is one of the hidden causes such people either find it difficult to get married or stay in a relationship if they manage to get into one.
7. DISMISSING THE SUBJECT OF UNHOLY DRESSING:
When Christians insist on dressing like the people of the world, they end up attracting the unwanted attention of spirit beings … that are enamored by their sexy dressing… and insist on following them around, fighting and quarreling over them just like humans would. Oh, if only you’re spiritual eyes were open to see the calamity some have brought on themselves by these half-clad, skimpy and indecent dressing that pass for fashion. A pertinent question should be: Since these people have been dressing like these, have they found their spouse yet? What they end up doing is driving away their God-ordained spouse unintentionally because these invisible powers following them around want them all to themselves … without any competition! If you are a Bible student you will even notice a Scripture in 1 Corinthians 11 verse 10 that warns about women covering their hair. Out of many reasons given by the Bible, this mysterious one stands out:
“BECAUSE OF THE ANGELS”
And this is in the New Testament. In the Old Testament we read about certain sons of God coming to marry the daughters of men. Now it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born to them, that the sons of God saw the get married in the physical are already married to certain spirits as far as the spiritual world is concerned. You will have a clue if you regularly have sex in the dream, or wake up feeling sexually aroused. This used to be a closely guarded secret until certain prayer warriors made it their business to get at the root of this issue. What they found out in Scripture as well as in real-life events shows quite graphically that so many people including Christians have been entangled in this evil web without even knowing it. Now if someone is married in the spirit realm, it is a legal binding contract and one that cannot easily be broken except by violent prayer and fasting. Ordinary confessing the Word of God does not work here. It needs targeted prayer and a peculiar kind of fasting to deal with it successfully. Because if this is not dealt with, it can result in late marriages, and if the person manages to get married at all, it will just be like the hordes of hell have been let loose on that marriage. No one will enjoy it. The spirit spouse will introduce all kinds of financial, health and marital problems … just to break the marriage and return the person to square one. This happens to both males and females. Whether Christian or not. The mistake here is that many Christians and pastors do not believe this can happen to them. But anyone with the gift of the Holy Spirit called “the gift of discernment” can actually see these spirits at work on their victims! Good news: There are specific prayer points to break off this kind of evil marriage and release you from captivity of Satan. Some of our prayer points are specifically targeted at this.
As a beautiful lady, if you package your self wrongly in your attempt to look sexy, adorable and may be appealing to guys, you have derailed from appealing to appalling in fact sister; you look more whorish than modest, more distractive than attractive and more disgusting than adorable.
Your dressing styles determine who get attracted to you, most times if you dress high school to look beautiful, only high school thinking guys would be attracted to you and if you dress excessively sexy and provocatively, only randy men will come to you for urgent satisfaction of their immediate sex urge. So don’t be fooled by media hyping of certain kind of dressing , they are meant for certain sets of ladies you wouldn’t like to be associated with, be careful, remember not clothes that look sexy are good for a seriously searching for a soul mate single lady.
Apart from the kind of dress or shoe you put on or the way you make your hair, it is also important to note that dressing to expose sensitive part of your body as a lady is capable of making a weak brother to fall into sexual immorality one way or the other. Considering the sexuality of a man, he is physiologically sexually sensitized by what he sees, that probably explain the reason why king David fell into adultery with Bathsheba in the bible.
That also explain partly explain why many young lady fall into the hands of wicked and immoral men, you may think you are just dressing fine and inline with what obtained among your peers by dressing to expose your breast, thigh, navel and other sexually sensitive part of your body . But you are parading yourself before men and you are looking for trouble, you are likely to fall as a prey in the hand of men and be sexually abused.
You don’t have to dress like others, stand out and stand different, even as light stands clearly different from darkness. Walk as a child of the light .when ever inner beauty is omitted in any life, every thing around that life, no Matter how beautiful, will be affected. Agent of decay will be sent to attack them and in your own very eyes.
Proverb 31:30 says that charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a Woman who honors the lord shall be praised.

8. IGNORING THE ACTIVITIES OF EVIL MANIPULATORS:
There are matchmakers in the spiritual world. Most of them evil, their job is provide counterfeit spouses. And manipulate people out of the will of God. Now, the Bible clearly warns against “being unequally yoked together with unbelievers” in 2 Corinthians 6 verses 14. Some Singles amuse me when they attempt to rationalize a relationship with an unbeliever. They want to win them to Christ, so the thinking goes. These ungodly people are really nice folks and they will come round once they get married. And so on. This is nothing but an exercise in self-deception. Especially when you realize that these kinds of Christians have never brought a single soul to the feet of Christ.

Makes them think they can win someone they are emotionally involved with? Blind emotions, Lust, and totally unscriptural logic, if you allow yourself to fall into this situation, know for certain that you have been captured by the manipulators in the spirit realm. It’s their job to carry out evil matchmaking. And to destroy the relationship later, don’t make the mistake of thinking you can ever win someone you are emotionally involved with … to Christ. The reverse is what normally happens. Sure you can pray for them. Tell them about JESUS. But it is the job of the Holy Spirit to bring them to the Lord, not yours.
9. LEAVING UNBROKEN COURSE IN PLACE:

Many Singles today come from cursed families or communities … where people never stay married, separation and divorce is the order of the day, etc. Even in some families, all the women never get married. Or marry late. Or have broken marriages.
You know why?
Because they are all operating under a strong anti-marriage curse, Most likely they are all married to the same invisible powers in the spirit realm that will not allow any human competition. If you are a genuine Christian, living a holy and blameless life before the Lord, you have every authority to break out of any collective curse that puts people in captivity in your family or community. And there are wonderful prayers to use for release from all anti-marriage curses

Don’t marry a woman and leave her for your mother and siblings who have refused to go to their own husband’s home.

If you are not capable of providing shelter for the woman you marry, please postpone marriage until
you are ready.

Gone are the days when you marry a woman for your mama. Some
mothers-in-law are good, but no woman is happy being left like that.

“Therefore shall a man LEAVE his father and mother and CLEAVE unto his wife…”.

Marriage is for adults and never for spoon-fed babies. You leave her for them and tomorrow they all turn to seers who see her tomorrow and count the number of times she goes out and comes in,
even the number of shaki and tozo in her pot.

Sometimes we just create problems for ourselves without knowing it. If your sisters
are as nice as you say they are, what stops
them from minding their own husband and
allowing your wife to enjoy her own husband?

Give your people whatever they need, but
please protect your wife.
Tough eh…I know, but truth is always bitter!

~~ABRAHAM ITODO~~

I am still single doesn’t mean that I don’t have a heart and I have never loved anyone.

I am single doesn’t mean that I am not romantic and that I don’t understand the feelings of love.

I am still single because I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve and because I
don’t believe in short term relationships.

I am still single because
I want to be someone’s forever and I want to be loved, desired and pampered to the core.

I am still single because I have reserved that special place in my heart for a woman/man who will be my forever.

I am still single because I feel my heart is too precious to just give it
away to someone who is not even worth it.

I am single doesn’t mean
that I enjoy being lonely …It simply means I am patient enough to wait for the woman/man, who truly deserves being a part of my life and make my life complete.

I am single till I find someone who deserves me, my body, my heart
and my soul…

.When I got home the following morning, Amanda was boiling with anger. She scolded me and threatened to call my parents and report my actions. I got angry and shouted at her then I left our room and went back to Vincent’s room where I spent the rest of the day.

That was the first quarrel I had with Amanda. Though she later apologized, our relationship wasn’t the same again. I saw her as an enemy to my relationship with Vincent and I started spending more time at Vincent’s lodge.

I continued to have sex with him and he introduced me to alcohol. I accepted and started drinking like he did. I did anything he wanted to make him happy because I thought it was love. I traveled home one weekend and as usual, I played the role of an innocent daughter. On the evening of Saturday, Vincent called and told me that his friend is hosting his birthday party and he would love it if I could come. I agreed and started packing my bag immediately. ” where are you going? I thought you were going to stay till tomorrow ” my mum asked. I was mute for a few seconds then I said”mummy Amanda is very sick and there is no one to take care of her at the lodge”.

My mum was quick to give me money and asked me to take her to the hospital once I got there. She then pointed out that Amanda must be taking good care of me since I’m getting fatter.

When I got back to school that evening, I didn’t arrive at my lodge. I went straight to Vincent’s lodge without informing Amanda of my arrival. We then left for the party in the dress that he bought for me. I looked like a prostitute in the dress and I wasn’t comfortable with it. But Vincent said he liked it and its not bad to show some cleavage so I agreed to it. When we got to the party, almost all the guys were smoking and the girls were all dressed like me. They spoke in strange languages which were known to be the slangs of cultists. I began to have my doubts about Vincent because he seemed like their member. Before I could sort out my thoughts, a group of guys which seemed like cultist judging by the red beret they all wore came inside the party hall. They started speaking with Vincent and his friends and I watched keenly with fear. I squatted and hid at a corner the moment I saw one of them pull out a gun. Several shots were fired before the police came. I wasn’t given a chance to explain myself before they packed all of us that survived the shooting into a van and drove to the station. I couldn’t sleep that night because the images of the lifeless bodies of those who were killed, including my Vincent kept on recurring in my head. I couldn’t believe Vincent was the head of The Black Cats, a dreaded cult on campus.

He was never from a rich background, the money he spent was a proceed of his looting. I felt my world crumble at my feet.
“Cindy Williams” the police officer called “your parents have bailed you, come out and meet them”. I hung my head in shame as I walked out of the cell. It seems Amanda had called my parents when she heard the news because she was with them. The look of disappointment on my parents’ face made me wish the ground will open and swallow me. “What are you wearing?

Who taught you to dress like a sex hawker? When did you start drinking? See how you reek of alcohol. What have you done to yourself my baby,” my mum said as she cried. I cried too, I couldn’t look at my dad, I turned to Amanda who hugged me as she cried. “I hope you’ve come back to your senses now ” she said. I nodded and tried to speak but I could only cry.

My parents took me back home and I spent two weeks before they allowed me to go back to school. I became ill the next week and Amanda took me to the hospital. My mind was racing, I think I already know what the problem is. I missed my period last month and this month too. I was lost in thought before my friend called me to tell me that my test result was out and we had to meet the doctor.

Presently in the hospital reception with Amanda, tears fall freely from my eyes. The doctor has cofirmed that I am two months pregnant and he advised me strongly against abortion because I have an abnormality called Hemophilia and I’ll bleed to death if I try an abortion. How can I have a child for a dead guy? What will I tell my parents? I couldn’t even survive up to three years on campus. My dream of becoming a nurse has vanished before my eyes. I have disgraced my parents, I’ve disappointed myself, my parents, Amanda and God. If only I could turn back the time, I’ll correct what I’ve done wrong. “Let’s go”, Amanda said”its not the end of the world, you have fallen once and you learned your lesson, you will rise again”.
# THE END#

.I was rushing through the hallway because I was already late for lectures when I bumped into someone or did he bump into me?

I couldn’t remember. I bent over to pick my books which fell on d floor but I couldn’t help but stare at the long, slender hands that picked d books faster than I did. When I stood up I was breathless because of the exotic figure standing before me; a perfect oval shaped head fixed on a slender neck which emerged into a well built, masculine body.

He was a perfect example of TDH ( tall, dark and handsome). “Hey, I’m sorry I bumped into you” he said. His voice was firm and I couldn’t look into his piercing, brown eyes as I replied. I managed to mumble “its okay” and I rushed into the lecture room without looking back. I couldn’t concentrate on lectures that day because that figure kept reappearing in my head.

When I got back to my lodge, Amanda wasn’t home yet so I reached for my handbag to get my phone and call her. Alas, my phone wasn’t there, I ransacked my bag and searched the entire room but I couldn’t find it. Then it occurred to me that it must have fallen off at the hallway. Amanda walked in to find me restless….” What’s the matter, Cindy?” She asked with a concerned look. “I’ve lost my phone ” I replied in tears. She took out her phone and tried my number and it rang. “Hello”, a guys voice spoke on the other end. My heart skipped, how could I not recognize that voice. “He…..llo” I stammered, “pls who is this ” , after a while he replied “oh u must be Cindy, I’m Vincent, the guy you met at the hallway. You dropped your phone and I’ve been waiting for your call. I stay at mercy lodge, you can come and claim your phone”. I thanked him and dropped the call wondering how he knew my name. It was already late so I went with Amanda to mercy lodge which was a few yards away from my lodge. He was at the gate, waiting when we arrived and without much talk he gave me my phone. He then asked for my number and I gave it to him without thinking or hesitation.

When we got back to our lodge , Amanda asked me why I gave him my phone number since I’ve refused giving any guy my contact since I came to the campus. I didn’t reply because I couldn’t find an answer to her question. She then warned me to be careful of the campus boys and I nodded absent mindedly.

Vincent called the following day and we talked at length. Days rolled into weeks and weeks jumped to months , my friendship with Vincent was getting closer. My Amanda wasn’t so much in support of it and she didn’t hesitate to speak of it each time we talked but I didn’t mind. My heart raced whenever I saw him, I dreamed of him, I saw him in my thoughts and he was everywhere in my imaginations.

I was proud to be his friend because girls always turned to look at us when we’re together. But secretly I wanted more; I wanted to be recognized as his girlfriend not just a friend. I was approaching 18 and though my parents warned me about boys, I felt I was matured enough to have a boyfriend. Vincent was 25, a rich guy from a wealthy background. I prayed and wished to be his girlfriend.

Then he asked the question” will you be my girlfriend?” I almost exploded with joy as I replied. I told Amanda but she was totally against the whole idea. Seeing how much I wanted her approval, she gave in but warned me again to be careful. Somewhere within me, my conscience was pricking but I ignored it because I was blindfolded by my stupidity.

Vincent was the perfect gentleman; he always called to check on me, he gave me expensive gifts, he showered me with what I saw as love, our relationship was like a fairytale. On my 18th birthday, he took me to a boutique where he bought so many clothes, shoes, jewelries and a cute teddy bear. I was so fulfilled and happy. We went to a restaurant and ate then he took me back to his lodge.

He served me drinks and he played a movie on d television. Then he started Making advances at me. At first I refused, my conscience won’t let me. But I gave in later.

When he unzipped my skirt I stopped him. “Why?” He asked,” don’t tell me you haven’t done it before”. I looked away feeling embarrassed he then laughed and said ” its okay…. I won’t hurt you”………to be cont’d-
Part 3

“Cindy” ….”Cindy” my bestie Chimamanda called; “yes, sorry I was absent minded”

Sitting at the hospital reception I couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself. “How did I get this far? How could I have ignored all the signs? Why did I let this happen?” Then I narrowed it all to Vincent – my woe and downfall.

I vividly remember how it all started. I gained admission into d university the same year I graduated from high school. My joy knew no bounds because I was given my dream course – Nursing. Lying on my bed I calculated d years I had to spend in school….I was 16 then, I added five years to it and an extra year for my NYSC making it 6years.

“This is great” I thought to myself, I will be only 24 when I finish my education; I was grinning with excitement.
“Please take care of yourself and always be a good girl” my mum said with tears in her eyes as she and my dad dropped me off at the campus the following week.

I think I heard my mum telling my dad that she still thinks I’m too young to be be left alone. I smiled at them while fighting my tears, I hugged my parents and as they drove off I felt like running after them. I was scared because I couldn’t imagine spending a week outside our home.

I ran inside and cried while covering myself with a blanket. My roommate, Chimamanda didn’t say a word to me throughout the night and that scared me even more. I tossed around the bed praying for daybreak.

“Have some food ” she said as she handed a plate of noodles to me the following morning. I received it but didn’t say a word to her ’cause I was feeling homesick.

“I’m Chimamada but u can call me Amanda. I’m a 200 level student at d Economics department and I’m 20 yrs old” . After a while she said ” I expect you to introduce yourself since I’ve done mine”.

“Okay, sorry aunty” I said….she laughed for a while and then said I shouldn’t call her aunty again. It has been my habit to call anyone who’s older ‘aunty’ , but its seems they don’t do that here on campus. ” My name is Cindy Williams, I’m a Nursing student and this is my first year, I’m 16 yrs old” .

At the mention of my age she looked up at me with disbelief written all over her face. I was used to that reaction from people whenever I revealed my age. Who will believe I’m 16 when I have the body size of a 22 year old. I looked away as she stared at me, probably she was trying to evaluate what I just told her. After a while she nodded and went to keep her plate…..

Amanda was all I could ask for in a roommate; she was kind, considerate and matured. I told my parents about her the next week as they came to visit and they gave her some money as they gave me my pocket money. “Dad, you gave me 20,000 naira last week and I haven’t spent half of it” , I said to my dad as he gave me another 20,000 naira. He smiled and said “you are my first child and only daughter. If I don’t give my money to you who else will I spend it on?

Don’t forget to call and ask for whatever you want because I’m here to provide it . I don’t want these men around you to deceive you with any material thing okay”. I was beaming with pride and joy as he spoke, I hugged them tight and once again I cried as they left.

Amanda who was overjoyed because of the money she received from my parents consoled me and promised to be a sister to me. My parents’ visiting soon reduced from every week to once in three weeks and soon they stopped visiting as I settled down completely.

Then the first semester ended, the holidays passed uneventful and the second semester began………to be cont’d in PART 2

I see many Christians destroying themselves in
the effort to find a husband or a wife. They wear revealing clothes, hang around nightclubs and feel ashamed in church on Sunday.

Pain and desperation are driving them to clumsily adopt the ways of the world in finding a life partner.

It can only lead to heartache and disappointment.

For most of my adult life I have been single. I
know that you CAN be happy and single and that
it is possible to joyfully WAIT . Marrying a non-
Christian is not a godly option.

I won’t be discussing that here as I have written a separate article on it.

This article covers 14 principles for
finding a godly Christian partner in this rather
lonely world.

1. Work on making yourself the sort of person that a godly Christian would LIKE to marry.

Be kind, reliable, courteous and attractive.
Have your life disciplined and godly and in
reasonably good order. Be full of love.

2. Have something interesting about you and
work on it. You need to stand out from the crowd a little. Get interested in missions, help the poor, do something different that is still you.

3. Be godly yourself. Have a daily quiet time
where you read the Bible and pray and start
putting Scripture into practice in your life.

Go to church regularly to worship God and
switch off your “partner searching periscope” when you go there. In fact switch it off as often as you can.

There is something very unattractive about people
who are obviously looking for a partner.
Godly people want a godly partner.

4. Make a success of your career. It will
cultivate good qualities in you such as forward thinking, planning, diligence, and
hard work and it will increase your self-
esteem so that you don’t feel as devastated
by being single.

It will also increase your
confidence and attractiveness. Godly
Christians tend to like people who do their
best. Jesus had an obvious soft spot for
stewards who did their work diligently and
well and makes them the heroes of many of
his parables.

5. Make a list of the qualities you really want
in a partner and bring this list to God in prayer. Make it quite specific.

Use it as a “filter” to prevent you going out with people that are completely wrong. When you make the list remember the golden rule.

“do unto others as you would want them to do unto you”. Would you want your future partner to be drawing up a list like yours?

Would you have any chance of getting selected if they
did? Is your list too unreal? Make sure that
an “average person” – the sort you are likely
to marry, is able to fulfill it.

6. Take their weaknesses seriously. If a person is a Christian but has a problem with drugs
or alcohol or promiscuity then be very careful.

If they are constantly in financial trouble or always quitting their jobs you may be marrying misery.

Things like eating
disorders, very low self-esteem, high levels
of hostility, and the need to control people can wreak havoc in a marriage. If they are
believers then God is working in their lives
and there is hope but some believers are not yet ready for responsibility. Some may
be “barely believers” and not really committed to long term change.

I am not saying don’t marry them, I am saying think very, very long and hard before you do.

Give them time to grow and to prove themselves
before you tie the knot.

7. Marry someone you can pray with. Couples
that pray together stay together and that’s
a proven fact.

The Christian marriages that fail (including mine) have one partner that
avoids having daily devotionals together.

Prayer really builds deep intimacy into a marriage.

8. Learn to recognize predators. There are
quite a number of people who hang around churches to pick up a “Christian partner”.

and who can fake being a Christian with considerable skill. They generally have no
intention of being godly and little intention
of marriage. They are generally after
unprotected sex with someone innocent and
free of disease.

Sorry to be that blunt in a
Christian magazine but you need to know
the truth. Predators are often betrayed by their lack of true feeling for Christian things
and their lack of insight into Scripture.

Greed, not tithing, and minor ethical breaches are other good clues. Listen to God’s promptings and your intuition. The Holy Spirit will scream “No” at you pretty early on. When God says “No” stop right
then and there!

9. Move steadily and wisely towards commitment and put aside undue suspicion,
hostility and distrust of the opposite gender.

As a rough rule of thumb people end up living up to your projections of their
behavior. If you distrust people and are sure
they will not stay with you but are “just
using you” then they will flee! No-one will
stay in a relationship with a person who distrusts them.

However if you treat your
partner well and trust , love, and enjoy them
and delight in who they are and expect good things of them then they will enjoy your love so much that they will not think of doing anything else except marrying you!
Positive people tend to get positive results
and negative people tend to get negative results – so deal with your fears.

10. Don’t be paranoid about members of the
opposite sex. In conservative Christian
circles there is almost an assumption that you only talk to members of the opposite sex that you are interested in marrying!

That is so destructive! Build many ordinary
good friendships and confuse your church
thoroughly! It takes the pressure off any
emerging relationships and also gives you a
better understanding of women/men as the
case may be.

11. Get good Christian counseling if you have
had traumatic experiences that may be
hindering your ability to relate to members
of the opposite sex.

I can recommend Theophostic Counseling and there is an article on it elsewhere in the magazine.

12. If you really like someone and they are a
good Christian then go for it! I spent a lot of
time thinking “so and so is too good for
me” and holding back and thus losing out.

Being strong and courageous has many
advantages and seems to get God’s blessing.

13. Many good Christian marriages have developed when a friend introduces two
people together and they click. While some
friends playing Cupid with your life can be a
pain if you have a few really good friends
that you trust ask them to keep a lookout
for you and to pray for the right person to
come along.

14. Ask God’s blessing on your efforts and develop the ability to listen to Him.

God has a long history of putting some first class
romances together. Let Him order your days
and they will be pleasant. He really does
care!

The matter is complex. I don’t really know why men cheat. I don’t!
And the shocking aspect is, most of their cheating partners are usually less attractive and appealing than their legitimate partners!

Na so e be!
MY EXPERIENCE

If someone had told me before then that I would be sexually involved with a girl other than my wife, I would have dismissed it without thinking. But it happened.

A disciplined and a morally sound guy like me shouldn’t have fallen for this trap. But like a rat caught in a glue trap, I fell. And helplessly so.

Had gone to the office that beautiful morning. A colleague of mine had invited this babe from another unit. Believe me, she has some of the most humongous bosoms mortal man will ever see.

Was particularly salivating when my guy gave me the signal they weren’t into anything, We got talking. Innocent chat. Somehow, she dropped her mobile number for me secretly.

Still didn’t believed what I was being dragged into.
The calls started. The texts poured. By now, I knew I would fall. But wetin I go do?.

Seriously, I was more fascinated with her pointers than I was with her entire being! My corrupt nature was getting stronger than my conscience.

My Convictions gave way for my randiness. It was a question of time before I will plateau into something I would never believe I did.

Probably she was attracted by my work status. Some of them like money sha! Exchange things.

At the deal day, e be like play! Me don arrange small corner after work. Babe don set! Me too don set. Moving into the apartment . The rest na story. ..

Till date, I couldn’t tell what caused.Overconfidence? I don’t know. It’s that complex.

To make matters worse, we didn’t ever get that friendship beyond that point. I just got what I wanted- a quick taste at her. That was all. No emotional connection. No feelings. No attachment.

Just PURE LUST! Just SEX. Even the lady in question knew it wont go beyond that.

MY LESSONS

Curiously, this event happened when my wife and I were having serious emotional issues. All the same, NO EXCUSES! I accept my foolishness and responsibility.

Maybe, there was some emotional lacuna; maybe it was just a coincidence.
That event showed me my weakness, and my inability to always believe in my natural strength when Delilahs come calling. Till date, I haven’t towed that path again.

The guilt that followed was far weightier than the momentary burst of pleasure I enjoyed.

Now, I try as much as possible to QUICKLY end any dispute with my wife it gets any further. I hardly allow any problems between us to degenerate to a low point where we become emotionally alienated from each other.

I’m responsible for my life. The actions/inactions from my woman should not be allowed to drive me into another woman’s bosom.

Its a decision I took back then. Its still working for me…..

I have vowed never to follow those errand emotions anymore. Being keeping that promise for over 4 years! Men cheat because they WANT to. Nothing more!

Conclusion: The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life!

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https://dsingles.home.blog